The Bell Tolls For Thee, Caps Fans: The Caps Fight Song Contest Starts Now

A subscription to The New Yorker is among the prerequisites for being a pretentious asshole. A subscription to Esquire is among the prerequisites for being a wannabe pretentious asshole.

Having neither the money nor the Harvard accent, my existence lies in the latter. I'm fine with it; Esquire's a hell of a publication.

I present The Angry German:

But one thing that really should change here, and that goes for all U.S. sports, is the fan chants. They are weak and utterly uncreative. Basically, every team has the same "Let's go Team, clap-clap clap-clap-clap" or "Other Team sucks."

America's (unfair) reputation for stupidity and ignorance unashamedly manifests itself during my every trip to the VC.

Let's go Sabres!

--SABRES SUCK!!!

It's a very tired act.

This is my proposal to every Caps fan: Think NCAA. Think Premier League.

TTT received thirty essays for The Psychology of the Fan contest, and while I don't have centre ice suite tickets this time around, a $25 gift card at NHL.com is worth five minutes of your time.

I want a Caps fight song. Get on it.

Contest rules
1. Originality shall reign supreme.
Changing "He plays on the left/ He plays on the riiiiight/ That boy Ronaldo made England look shite" to "He shoots from the left/ He shoots from the riiiight/ Our boy Ovechkin makes Crosby look shite" will not fly.

2. Vulgarities should enhance, not dominate.

3. Any and all cheap shots are encouraged -- bonus points if you can slam both Philly and Pittsburgh in the same song.

4. PC nazis need not apply. Go renew your Oprah subscription.

5. Keep it semi-simple. Make it catchy. Make it simple enough to bellow on F Street in a drunken stupor.

6. Send as many entries as you want.

Send your entry to me here.

Contest ends after the first round. The winner will be notified via email. The fight song will be published on this blog with the winner's consent.

This should get you started: